What is better than inviting that really cute girl you like to prom? That’s easy! Asking her under a full moon! Well, 13 full moons to be exact. In Ann Arbor Michigan, 13 high school lacrosse players were disciplined last Thursday for baring their bottoms on which was scribbled a prom invitation from one of the players to a girl. Scribbled along this assortment of hairy, dimply, craters of stink were the words “Will You Go To The Prom With Me? Yes or No?” Where were these guys when I was looking for friends? That’s taking wingman to a whole different level!
A man who claims to be the devil scared the crap out of a bunch of Planet Hollywood patrons when he claimed he had a bomb and that “the whole world deserves to die.” The devil was once an employee of the popular restaurant chain and had been fired shortly before the incident. One can only guess why the management would choose to fire a guy who says he’s the devil.
People do weird things with their dogs, for their dogs, and because of their dogs. You know the types; the ones that carry their dogs in their specially designed $500 a stitch baby skin purses. Perhaps you’ve seen the ones that have costumes made up for their precious little carpet wetters. Little fluffy yappers trotting around with Christmas sweaters or scuba suits. Wait, what? Scuba suits? Indeed.
Another episode is out for your listening pleasure! This one cleverly escaped a gnome fortress where the creepy beings had it tied up in the rack for weeks on end. Little did they know that all the stretching and pulling made our episode just tall enough to reach the gnome-sized window and climbo out of the dungeon! Once it safely navigated the shark infested waters, it made its way home. Slightly bruised, and emotionally scarred, it has passed the rehabilitation process to make it more suitable for the world outside. Now we’re kicking it out on it’s own, where it can flap its wings and make you smile. So long as the gnomes don’t catch it again!
A wave of crime has hit the town of Kinshasa in the Congo that would send even the bravest of the brave men running to hide under the bed. People are having their penises stolen! Never did I think I would read a headline like this, but when I started browsing around for news this morning, it was the very first thing that caught my eye. I’m in complete bewilderment and officially refuse to ever visit the Congo, not that it was high up on my list of places to visit in the first place.
James Bond is my hero (he shares a spot on a mile-high pedestal with Batman). He drinks with no repercussion to his liver, he spies with no mind to who knows it, and he drives a damn fine car. For his new movie, however, he wrecked a damn fine car off of a cliff and into 150 feet worth of water — and was then fined for barely surviving.
British engineer Fraser Dunn, 29, was left shaken and more than a little stirred after the £134,000 ($265,000) Aston Martin DBS slid off the road and plunged into Lake Garda in northern Italy, where filming is taking place on the new Bond movie Quantum of Solace.
Looks like our friendly neighborhood web slinger has moved on from fighting crime to…washing windows? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the heroes of yesteryear are getting old, and finding themselves needing some kind of compensation other than the cheers and shouts of children and comic book nerds. Spider-Man has taken up an occupation that allows him to use his powers, but in a more relaxed environment. The once protector of New York is now window washing in China! From the looks of it, there is more than one Spider-Man and together they are making a difference for dirty windows everywhere
So, what are you afraid of? Snakes a la Indie, spiders a la every chick alive… or maybe clowns? Go watch Killer Clowns from Outer Space and tell me you aren’t afraid of clowns. Snakes, spiders, and definitely clowns are all terrifying, but how do you feel about buttons? No, not our wonderful H&H buttons (technically, those are considered pins), but the cute, colorful, four-holed bits of plastic that keep some women’s boobs from bursting out of their shirt.
“For me touching a button would be like touching a cockroach. It feels dirty, nasty and wrong. When I was younger my brother used to tease me by opening my mum’s button tin. I hid in my bedroom until he put them away.”
I went rock climbing in the wild today! I pissed off a crow and twisted my ankle. A friend was throwing leaves at me and I thought they were bees… so, I jumped. This German dude on our show jumped too; and he landed on a lady who had jumped the day before. Some other guy went and poo’d in a kid’s birthday basket. Normally, I would laugh, but the basket was full of DS games! There was also a group of people making a pr0n film at a McDonalds. None of this happened in the woods, but we do cover it all during our awesome show of DOOM!
A Russian electrician came away from a great night out drinking with his buddies only to find that he had a large knife driven four inches into his back. Yuri Laylin, 53, and some buddies were playing a variation of Russian roulette that led to the knife being shoved into his back. Russian roulette has never made much sense to me, and I don’t guess I would be a big fan of ANY variation of the incredibly stupid game. This variation of it is a pretty simple game really. You get a few friends together, get wasted, tie a blindfold around one guys eyes, give him a knife, then dance around him while he makes stabbing motions at you. Sounds like an exciting night!